A little birdie told me that the Raven is back.

What’s with that face?

Hello there, lesser mortals. I’ve been away for a very very very long time, as you can tell but how else is a bird to gather gossip? And as to why I’ve been away, well, because some people have a life, that’s why. Also, I didn’t want to be that lame blogger stereotype who sits around posting stuff while downing a BUCKET of coke and bags of chips. I mean, how unhealthy is that? Whatever. They can all die and I shall feed on their decaying corpses.

Wear this you prudish #$%&*.

Now, I’m going to write about something that’s been bothering me for a long time. You know how there are two kinds of prudes? The hypocritical type who gasps at every damn thing in society and then goes home and makes out with the hot latino poolboy. Then there are the ‘dry down under’ poor souls who just need to get laid because seriously showing ankles was considered scandalous like in the last century so just GROW UP, YOU OLD FLEABAGS. God. They make me so angry.

Meet Allen Ginsberg played by *drool* James Franco.

The cute couple :
Aaron Tveit as Peter Orlovsky and James Franco as Allen Ginsberg.

So we were watching Howl, the other day. You know, the movie adaption of the poem written by hottie literati Allen Ginsberg. Now, I love this dude. His poem is so brilliant and so suited to our times and the verses are just in your face, you know? Like OMG-that’s-just-what-I-thought-a-minute-ago-and-look-this-dude-totally-gets-me type. I think it is safe to say that Howl changed America and the way we look at poetry today.The poem also had this sensational battle in court because it was this scandalous piece of poetry; of course the court battle actually gave it more publicity so BOO YA censor boards.

“I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked.”

Anyway, we were watching the movie and the movie, like the poem, refers to a lot of hot boy-on-boy sex and boy-on-girl sex and there were a lot of phallic symbols and you know, ejaculations and stuff. And boy, did these prudish bitches  people freak out. Stop giggling and appearing all scandalized and just watch it for the beauty of it all! It’s just two naked bodies humping each other. God, like seriously get a life. The worst part? They are the latter type of prudes. You know, the ‘dry down under’ ones. So it’s not even like they were pretending to be aghast. What a bunch of lametards.

And this happens all around us, folks. People still think that seeing a certain body organ is a sin. Or talking about it. Or thinking about it. I mean, we’re all 18 years and above here for crying out loud! Why all this drama?

So. What I guess I’m trying to say is that call a dick a dick. Reclaim the right to call your vagina a vagina. It is okay to talk about it because why not? It is only because we treat sex and the organs involved with it as taboo that so much shit happens around us all the time. And can we all stop pretending like sex is a bad thing? Anything this pleasurable cannot be bad. Period.

And if you still disagree, here is what you can do :

Till later,

Raven.

Read the poem here : http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/179381

Lyrical Dissonance

Another week gone, full of mischief, mayhem, excitement and fun. Who am I kidding? Naw, it’s the same old shit. So I’m a huge fan of Youtube right? I love Youtube Celebrities. So many of them are so hilarious. It fascinates me that you can make money off of fricking Youtube of all things. So  my post is “inspired” by some videos by Alex Day and KevJumba (mostly Alex) , both of whom are bloody talented and funny. In a few of Alex’s videos he’s basically taken song lyrics and analysed them, making you realize how utterly nonsensical it is. Here’s a couple. Please check them out later.

1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evdljyJYIPQ
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XryPzUlzM9w

So I’m gonna do the same thing, take some semi-recent songs and y’know, enlighten you on the deeply philosophical and poignant lyrics our musicians are coming up with in accordance to these deeply troubled times.

1. Feel This Moment-Pitbull Feat Christina Aguilera See my problem with Pitbull is, I don’t listen to his songs to listen to him! The chorus is the catchiest and the nicest part, which is the same case here with Christina’s part outshining his (though the chorus doesn’t make much sense either.) Now enough of that, here’s a small part of the song. Pitbull’s obviously articulating the whirlwind of emotions he feels due to fame or the moment or whatever. The point is, it’s deep. Like, real deep.

Ask for money, and get advice

Ask for advice, get money twice

I’m from the Dirty, but that chico

nice Ya’ll call it a moment, I call it life

Wow

2. What’s My Name-Rihanna 

Oh na na, what’s my name?

Oh na na, what’s my name?

Oh na na, what’s my name?

Oh na na, what’s my name?

Oh na na, what’s my name?

What’s my name, what’s my name?

I heard you good with them soft lips

Yeah, you know word of mouth

The square root of 69 is 8 some,

right ’cause I’ve been tryna work it out, oooow

So all I can decipher out of this small bit is that Rihanna has ostensibly forgotten her name and is asking a deaf  person named Nana to educate her with the same. Drake then answers seemingly implying her mouth is good for….something. He is also attempting to do some math, which is good I guess, but someone should tell him 8 is the square root of 64. 69 doesn’t have a square root. It also appears that he’s a bit slow, since he’s been trying to figure that out for quite some time. Well, can’t blame the guy for lyrics like this. I mean, if you think the square root of 69 is 8 after working on it, I won’t expect prosaic genius.

3. Love you like a love song- Selena Gomez

Okay, so I might have included this since I personally can’t stand this woman singing. I mean seriously doll, you’re pretty, you’re not a terrible actress, you seem sweet and all, so why the heck must you sing? Whatever, I guess it’s nice she’s making terrible stuff I guess, since her voice doesn’t ruin anything.

It’s been said and done Every beautiful thought’s been already sung

And I guess right now here’s another one So your melody will play on and on, with the best of ’em

You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible

A sinful, miracle, lyrical

You’ve saved my life again

And I want you to know baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby I,

I love you like a love song, baby I,

I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Um…okay..

So she’s saying that this is just another one of those beautiful love songs with nice feelings, which btw REALITY CHECK, IT’S NOT! And her love for the  guy is so awesome that this song is one of the best love songs ever (LOL). So I dunno, I’m a bit confused but she’s either saying that her feelings for him are so epicly epic that the song with those feelings of epicness is one of the epice-est lovesongs evah! Or she’s saying she loves him like, other people love other people. After they love other people, they write songs about it, which is what she’s doing, I think. Don’t ask me to repeat that. See what stupidity does?

Or y’know what? SCREW ALL THAT. SHE LOVES HIM LIKE SHE LOVES LOVE SONGS. END OF STORY.

4. Scream And Shout- Will.i.am Feat Britney Spears

This, I assume is the chorus? It’s sung, or breathed or rapped or whatever the fuck she’s doing-by Britney.

When you hear this in the club

You’re gonna turn the shit up

You’re gonna turn the shit up

You’re gonna turn the shit up

When we up in the club

All eyes on us

All eyes on us

All eyes on us

See the boys in the club

They watching us

They watching us

They watching us

Everybody in the club

All eyes on us

All eyes on us

All eyes on us

Okay, so first she TELLS us, not asks mind you, tells us we’re gonna turn the music or the “shit” up when we’re go to the club, which btw HOW THE FUCK DOES SHE KNOW? 😮  Then she says all the eyes will be on us and the guys in the club will be watching us. I dunno about you guys but this sounds like some awfully stalkerish behaviour, don’tcha think? “They watching us.” How creepy! Seriously, if you’re not gonna make sense, at least not make sense in a pleasant way okay! Instead of this pseudo-stalker, thriller kinda crappy lyrics.

On a serious note, Britney, you’re the one who needs to “turn her shit up”.

5. Bow Down-Beyonce

Beyonce! Singer of “If I were a boy”, “Halo” and “Single Ladies”, known for her empowering lyrics! So let’s see what the queen has come up with recently huh?

I know when you were little girls

You dreamt of being in my world

Don’t forget it, don’t forget it

Respect that, bow down bitches

I took some time to live my life

But don’t think I’m just his little wife

Don’t get it twisted, get it twisted

This my shit, bow down bitches

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Well, that escalated quickly.

So I’m guessing she’s addressing this to her legion of fans who’ve basically grown up with her, and telling them to er..bow down to her. Well, it’s true that people did call her queen but me thinks that she took it a bit too seriously. She also appears to be saying that people shouldn’t forget how awesome she is and respect her and “bow down” to said awesomeness. Apparently some people doubted her while she was off procreating Blue Ivy and Her Highness didn’t take it well at all. She doesn’t want to be known as Jay-Z’s wife which is nice and all, but it’s kinda obvious she’s the more famous of the two, so really Bey, no need to throw a bitchfit now. And also, I BOW DOWN TO NO ONE. Except you know, Batman. And you ain’t no Batman, Beyonce.

Well, that’s all for today. If you know of songs with simply ludicrous lyrics, let me know and I might feature them in Part 2.

Be good and Play safe.

Cheerio.