Another week gone, full of mischief, mayhem, excitement and fun. Who am I kidding? Naw, it’s the same old shit. So I’m a huge fan of Youtube right? I love Youtube Celebrities. So many of them are so hilarious. It fascinates me that you can make money off of fricking Youtube of all things. So my post is “inspired” by some videos by Alex Day and KevJumba (mostly Alex) , both of whom are bloody talented and funny. In a few of Alex’s videos he’s basically taken song lyrics and analysed them, making you realize how utterly nonsensical it is. Here’s a couple. Please check them out later.
So I’m gonna do the same thing, take some semi-recent songs and y’know, enlighten you on the deeply philosophical and poignant lyrics our musicians are coming up with in accordance to these deeply troubled times.
1. Feel This Moment-Pitbull Feat Christina Aguilera See my problem with Pitbull is, I don’t listen to his songs to listen to him! The chorus is the catchiest and the nicest part, which is the same case here with Christina’s part outshining his (though the chorus doesn’t make much sense either.) Now enough of that, here’s a small part of the song. Pitbull’s obviously articulating the whirlwind of emotions he feels due to fame or the moment or whatever. The point is, it’s deep. Like, real deep.
Ask for money, and get advice
Ask for advice, get money twice
I’m from the Dirty, but that chico
nice Ya’ll call it a moment, I call it life
Wow
2. What’s My Name-Rihanna
Oh na na, what’s my name?
Oh na na, what’s my name?
Oh na na, what’s my name?
Oh na na, what’s my name?
Oh na na, what’s my name?
What’s my name, what’s my name?
I heard you good with them soft lips
Yeah, you know word of mouth
The square root of 69 is 8 some,
right ’cause I’ve been tryna work it out, oooow
So all I can decipher out of this small bit is that Rihanna has ostensibly forgotten her name and is asking a deaf person named Nana to educate her with the same. Drake then answers seemingly implying her mouth is good for….something. He is also attempting to do some math, which is good I guess, but someone should tell him 8 is the square root of 64. 69 doesn’t have a square root. It also appears that he’s a bit slow, since he’s been trying to figure that out for quite some time. Well, can’t blame the guy for lyrics like this. I mean, if you think the square root of 69 is 8 after working on it, I won’t expect prosaic genius.
3. Love you like a love song- Selena Gomez
Okay, so I might have included this since I personally can’t stand this woman singing. I mean seriously doll, you’re pretty, you’re not a terrible actress, you seem sweet and all, so why the heck must you sing? Whatever, I guess it’s nice she’s making terrible stuff I guess, since her voice doesn’t ruin anything.
It’s been said and done Every beautiful thought’s been already sung
And I guess right now here’s another one So your melody will play on and on, with the best of ’em
You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible
A sinful, miracle, lyrical
You’ve saved my life again
And I want you to know baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby I,
I love you like a love song, baby I,
I love you like a love song, baby
And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Um…okay..
So she’s saying that this is just another one of those beautiful love songs with nice feelings, which btw REALITY CHECK, IT’S NOT! And her love for the guy is so awesome that this song is one of the best love songs ever (LOL). So I dunno, I’m a bit confused but she’s either saying that her feelings for him are so epicly epic that the song with those feelings of epicness is one of the epice-est lovesongs evah! Or she’s saying she loves him like, other people love other people. After they love other people, they write songs about it, which is what she’s doing, I think. Don’t ask me to repeat that. See what stupidity does?
Or y’know what? SCREW ALL THAT. SHE LOVES HIM LIKE SHE LOVES LOVE SONGS. END OF STORY.
4. Scream And Shout- Will.i.am Feat Britney Spears
This, I assume is the chorus? It’s sung, or breathed or rapped or whatever the fuck she’s doing-by Britney.
When you hear this in the club
You’re gonna turn the shit up
You’re gonna turn the shit up
You’re gonna turn the shit up
When we up in the club
All eyes on us
All eyes on us
All eyes on us
See the boys in the club
They watching us
They watching us
They watching us
Everybody in the club
All eyes on us
All eyes on us
All eyes on us
Okay, so first she TELLS us, not asks mind you, tells us we’re gonna turn the music or the “shit” up when we’re go to the club, which btw HOW THE FUCK DOES SHE KNOW? 😮 Then she says all the eyes will be on us and the guys in the club will be watching us. I dunno about you guys but this sounds like some awfully stalkerish behaviour, don’tcha think? “They watching us.” How creepy! Seriously, if you’re not gonna make sense, at least not make sense in a pleasant way okay! Instead of this pseudo-stalker, thriller kinda crappy lyrics.
On a serious note, Britney, you’re the one who needs to “turn her shit up”.
5. Bow Down-Beyonce
Beyonce! Singer of “If I were a boy”, “Halo” and “Single Ladies”, known for her empowering lyrics! So let’s see what the queen has come up with recently huh?
I know when you were little girls
You dreamt of being in my world
Don’t forget it, don’t forget it
Respect that, bow down bitches
I took some time to live my life
But don’t think I’m just his little wife
Don’t get it twisted, get it twisted
This my shit, bow down bitches
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Well, that escalated quickly.
So I’m guessing she’s addressing this to her legion of fans who’ve basically grown up with her, and telling them to er..bow down to her. Well, it’s true that people did call her queen but me thinks that she took it a bit too seriously. She also appears to be saying that people shouldn’t forget how awesome she is and respect her and “bow down” to said awesomeness. Apparently some people doubted her while she was off procreating Blue Ivy and Her Highness didn’t take it well at all. She doesn’t want to be known as Jay-Z’s wife which is nice and all, but it’s kinda obvious she’s the more famous of the two, so really Bey, no need to throw a bitchfit now. And also, I BOW DOWN TO NO ONE. Except you know, Batman. And you ain’t no Batman, Beyonce.
Well, that’s all for today. If you know of songs with simply ludicrous lyrics, let me know and I might feature them in Part 2.
Be good and Play safe.
Cheerio.
Mango Mustache 