Rant of a Humourless Feminist

One of the inevitable consequences of being a feminist, I’ve realized is the fact that you will receive shit from every party on earth about your beliefs. That’s fine with me. And even I know Feminism has its flaws. But honestly, which fucking ideology doesn’t? I am well aware of the arguments that it is radical, dominated by the privileged middle class, raises its voice against problems that might not be too important, and of course can’t take a joke. I even agree with some of it sometimes. But what I am concerned with is the idea it started out with. The idea that enabled me to get an education and do as I please. The idea that I am just as good as any man when it comes to work.

When you live in a country like India, you will see so many instances of gender bias and discrimination, that it impossible to not be a feminist. Case in point: The Delhi rape case that occurred almost a year ago. Not only that, but the comments people made against her and her “lifestyle”. When something like that happens, I don’t find your jokes about rape funny.

I get it. People are more offended by rape than murder. If you use the word rape in your meme or as a synonym for decimate, I will get more angry than if you use death or murder. It’s kind of a good point, but we all pick and choose the battles we fight. And this is the one I have chosen, so I am sorry but I will always go with the issues closest to my heart than the others.

Let me give you an example. This isn’t even an issue of feminism, but I am offended by it because I am a human being with some semblance of a conscience.  All my indian readers will probably be aware of this joke going around in april.

I think the state of humanity can be summarized in that second comment.

Are you seriously equating male-rape to homosexuality?

I mean honestly, doesn’t your ass get jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth?

The worst part is this joke went viral because people thought it was funny. And no, I will not take it lightly. I do not find it funny. I am not even speaking as a feminist but as a human being.

Let me tell you of another incident that occurred just the other day. On a whatsapp group I am a part of, a member posted this picture for the purpose of “humour”.

Do you expect me to find this funny? Do you expect me to not see how wrong this picture is? Pardon me for not being that superficial.

!. You are effectively sexualizing and trivializing a disease thousands of women suffer. So congratulations there, buddy.

2. You are objectifying and demeaning women while doing it.

Really, you deserve a medal.  The response when you try to stand up to something like this is so predictable now it’s almost funny. I have no sense of humour. I can’t take a joke. I am not fun.

The worst part is that women themselves can’t understand the gravity or something. Women themselves find something like this funny. The backlash towards feminism comes from women themselves most of the time. And I just don’t understand this.

WHY? I must ask you, why? Why do you find objectification of your body funny? Why can’t you notice that they are making fun of a disease women exclusively suffer from? You are getting strangled by patriarchal notions. Why can’t you see that?

I don’t even know how to respond when women themselves tell me I can’t take a joke. What am I supposed to say to that?

Feminism is a way for privileged women to get perks when they don’t even work. This is a criticism I have heard way too much. To which I respond, THAT’S HOW OUR FUCKING SOCIETY WORKS. The elite always have the greatest voice. It is a failure of society and the way we function, so don’t be ignorant and blame it on feminism. When the other classes get a voice, the women will get a voice too. Read Fall of Giants by Ken Follet to understand western feminism better. Case in point: The Wimbledon Controversy. I will agree with this. You have to work to get what you want. Women should play the same number of sets to get the same prize money.

Oh, I’m quoting only western examples. Don’t worry. There are plenty of desi problems for you guys too.

But here’s a little fact, do you know a female farmer in India is not acknowledged as a farmer? She is only known as a farmer’s wife. Let that sink in. No matter how much she toils in the fields everyday, no matter how much she does in addition to looking after her children at home, her worth is only defined by her relation to a man. So don’t tell me that women have rights and privileges.

Okay, if you have a problem with the profession I have chosen, how about the Film Industry? It is a well-known fact that women in the Indian Film Industry are not paid as much as men.  Don’t tell me that men in the industry work harder because that is bullshit.  And don’t tell me that upper-middle class and high-class women are privileged and have nothing to complain about.

To be fair, I actually used to be ignorant and I didn’t call myself a feminist because of all its flaws. But then I realized, that there are many good things about the movement I actually agree with. It’s a matter of picking and choosing. Just because I am not a radical, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in gender equality.

I think this video pretty much sums up my feminist stance. Chimamanda has become one of my favourite people even though I haven’t read any of her books.  I am desperate to though. You should check out her other Ted Talk on “The Danger of a Single Story”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg3umXU_qWc

Blah (That’s all I could come up with)

Waddup ducklings! Hope you’ve had a productive and diligent week cause I certainly haven’t. You ever have those days when you keep thinking, “Yeah, I’m gonna do this and this and this and DEFINITELY this by the time I’m 300 years old!”? Except you’re too lazy to get off your ass (which is like probably growing fungi due to how it’s perennially stuck in a state of no-motion. Wait, that sounds wrong) and do something about it. You know, you’d think I’d have learned something. You’d think I’d have gotten inspired to work like a bitch. I mean, Britney’s telling me to do it. Britney’s word is law. So  technically, I’m breaking the law. Great, so I’m lazy and an outlaw. My family will be so proud.

Let me tell you some other things that should inspire me.

Chris Colfer- This guy is a freaking legend. He’s an actor, singer, ninja, philanthopist and author. And he’s only 5 years older than me.

Let’s look at me. I am 18 years old. I have only one thing I can do semi-decently. When I say semi-decent, I mean some semblance of actual talent. Forget talent, swalpa competence. Chris Colfer is a friggin NINJA. He’s a ninja who can act. What am I? A penguin who can write.

An altruistic ninja who can act, sing and is so adept with a pen that he writes a new -york times bestseller Vs an awkward penguin who can write semi decently.

Geebus, I need to get a life.

This picture right here describes my existence. Yes, a TV show/ anime/comic/book is my only obsession. There are people out there who are climbing Mt Everest, sippin’ martinis in Paris, making the world a better place and I am sitting here watching Game Of Thrones and reading Unaccustomed Earth. YES, I AM SITTING HERE PERPETUALLY ON A BED WATCHING TV AND READING COMIC BOOKS.  I am a poet, so I could use that as a metaphor to describe my emptiness and loss of purpose due to the political stench that stifles all ambition in me. A bed and a laptop could be used as brilliant motifs to describe how we are a lost generation.

But no, I know a lot of blonde people. I am even one of those blonde people but even I know that is a bunch of Llama shit. Yup, Llama cause it is such incredible shit that it can’t possibly belong to a bull or a horse.

All I have been doing lately is watching Superwoman videos. Well, I have been doing a little writing but hello, Stephen King writes 2000 whopping words everyday, so yeah, my argument is null and void.

Superwoman is officially my favourite female youtuber. I love her, and if she happens to read this if this blog ever becomes famous, YOU ARE MY IDOL.  And I like your hair.

People might say even Superwoman is jobless since she makes videos and puts them on youtube of all places, but seriously she gets paid good dough for that shit. So even Superwoman works hard.

Okay, as if that wasn’t enough. You know what I have coming up in a week? Yup, exams. And not just normal exams. End semester exams.

If I’d worked hard until now, I could afford to get a little complacent and get average marks.

LOL

Forget I said that actually.

So I have exams, and I have enough portions to feed a family of 500 over 5 generations. Okay, fine if not Britney let me follow Calvin and Hobbes.

But no, not even last minute panic is enough to slap me out of my stupidity. In fact, I’m starting to think stupidity is ingrained so deeply within me, that it’d take like a special craniotomy procedure where they shovel out the part of my brain that’s retarded. Oh but wait, THEY’D HAVE TO TAKE MY WHOLE BRAIN OUT. Silly me for forgetting.

Okay, fine. It’s okay, So what if you’re a lazy-ass, good for nothing teen who might never amount to anything? It’s all cool. At least I have love in my life. At least I’m twitterpated like Bambi. See? Life has some meaning. It is heading somewhere! There’s someone out there who understands you and makes things better for you and whom you can be intimate with. There’s one ray of sunshine right?

Oh, how I wish I was giving you something to work with.

Yup, no boyfriend, no work, no nothing.

God, this bitch needs to do something.

I’ll start soon.

I have to anyway. In fact, I’ll even listen to it now before I do something, anything useful.

You guys. Work too. Work hard. Make something of y’allselves okay?  I’ll see you next week.

The Toonage Generation

Hello pretty people! I trust you’ve all been well and good. Make use of your youth, and if you’re old, your young heart to go out, take in the fresh sunshine, play Holi with your friends, go on a date with your partner, party like it’s the end of the world and all that. Yeah, just go out and live your life!

But the main reason you should be out is because the TV shows suck. Like really, really bad. Rather than targeting all of them I am going to focus on cartoons today. Kiddies of 2013, sorry to say this, but you guys probably have the worst childhood ever. Not only do the TV shows suck, the world is more fucked up than ever.

My first love will always be anime but well, most anime is not for children and I’m devoting a lot more posts for that so for now stay with me. Come, join me as I reminisce the good ol’ days when cartoons actually used to be good, funny, in 2D and made our childhood awesome. Also included are what’s coming on TV now, to be fair and all.

(This post might be detrimental to your feels so sensitive readers are warned.)

AWESOME CARTOONS KIDS NOWADAYS SHOULD BE WATCHING.

1. Pokemon

Who can forget Pokemon? Back when it was good. Like in its first few seasons with the good pokemon like Charmander, Bulbasaur, Jigglipuff etc. The times with Brock and Misty. Those seasons were so good. Now, you’re just wondering why Pikachu’s anorexic. What the hell, man. How many regions are there in the pokemon world anyway? Only 2 of them are good i.e Kanto and Johto. They don’t make ’em like they used to.

A little something to jog your memory.

Sing with me. I WANNA BEE THE VERY BEST, THAT NO ONE EVER WAS!

Felt good, didn’t it? :’)

2. Tom and Jerry

Oh well to be fair, they do put Tom and Jerry. Except it’s past the bed time of every normal kid and airs at 10 P.M! Fail, Cartoon Network! You fail on every level possible.

Who doesn’t remember Tom and Jerry? The episode where Nibbles has to deliver a letter to Jerry’s “girls” and has to keep evading Tom to do it, the episode where this little girl owns Tom and they all end up singing mama yo quiero. Ah, good times. Back when stupid Doraemon wasn’t playing 24/7. They play another newer, suckier Tom and Jerry sometimes. It just isn’t the same obviously.

Another awesome scene for you.

3. Hey Arnold!

This show has to be one of my favourites. It worked on so many levels. It was funny, entertaining and relatable. Who doesn’t love Helga? All of us has a Helga in us. I have good memories of watching  this show when I was 9 years old and hating Lila, that annoying little goody-two shoes and rooting wholeheartedly for Helga.  Back when Nickelodeon used to be great. All the other channels have sunk but I don’t think any have sunk as low as Nickelodeon has.

4. Dexter’s Lab

Now it’s just getting depressing. Y U SUCK SO MUCH, 21ST CENTURY? 😦  I miss all these shows so much. Who can forget the antics of Deedee and her trademark “Ooh, what does this button do?” And Mandark with his “Hahaha.Hahahahah.” laugh. Today’s children will never have the benefit of watching such amazing cartoons.

Theme song for your benefit.

5.The Looney Tunes Show

Okay, I’m biased. Bugs Bunny was the best thing on the Looney Tunes. But seriously, it was so amazing. The elaborate plots, the crazy schemes and so many characters. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Tweety, Pepe le pew, Porky Pig, Elmer Fudd. All of them were so hilarious! Why, I ask you! Why can’t they put these shows back on air?

A bugs moment.

So these are some of the memorable cartoons of my childhood. Honestly, these aren’t the top 5 or anything. I have so many cartoons in my memory that I honestly couldn’t rate them and put them up. Samurai Jack, Kim Possible, The Fairly Oddparents, Winx Club, Sabrina: The Animated Series, Scooby Doo, The Wild Thornberrys, Rugrats, Powerpuff Girls, Xiaolin Showdown, As told by Ginger, Recess, Batman: The Animated Series, Justice League: Unlimited, Foster’s home for Imaginary Friends and so many more come to mind when I remember the stuff I had to grow up with.

Cartoon Network still puts some shows on. At 2.A.M. I don’t understand why they can’t put this stuff back on air for all of us rather than just insomniacs. If you can put it at 4.freaking A.M, you can put it at 4.freaking P.M

The strange thing is so many of these cartoons actually had a fair bit of violence. Episodes of Tom and Jerry and Looney Tunes had dynamites exploding, bloodshed, cigarettes and all that. Stuff nowadays rely on absolute nonsense. People are so worried that their children will get “influenced”. I don’t think anyone had to worry about us throwing dynamites at each other. Just goes to show how fucked up the world had become.

*Sigh*

As promised, I will put up some stuff that comes on now. As I flip through the various cartoon channels, this meme pretty much sums up what I feel.

Ugh. Let’s get it over with. I’ve only seen them long enough to switch channels so I’m not posting all of them.

I’ll start with the positive. This is the only cartoon that’s actually good that comes on.

1. Phineas and Ferb! You are the only shining light at the end of one depressing tunnel! The songs are decent, good characters and plot and great humour. Of course it doesn’t come close to the stuff I’m used to, but considering the crap that’s coming on, this is gold. Even without it, it’s a decent show. I like it. It’s sad for kids though that this is the only good thing coming on.

And now it goes downhill.

2. Ninja Hattori. This show is vile. Words fail me to describe how annoying it is. As if it isn’t annoying enough with the art, the hindi dub just sucks your soul from the afterlife and gives it to Satan. Sometimes, I wonder if the world we’re living in is hell or not.

I can’t believe I’m actually posting a picture.

Just. Words fail me. They do. WHO WATCHES THIS? AND IF ANYONE DOES, PARENTS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

And then we have this abomination.

3. It’s called Doraemon and it’s dubbed in Hindi. That’s all I know, and that’s all I ever plan to know.

There’s some other shitty show called Perman also but these two are enough torture, wouldn’t you agree?

You might be thinking. “Oh. They’re only 3 or 4 shows. Why is she complaining? They’re probably on only for a couple of hours a day.”

Guys, please switch on your cartoon channels any time during the day. This crap is on ALL DAY.

Anyway, to parents who want their children to grow up with something decent, I beg of you: download these cartoons from somewhere or buy DVDs. You cannot have your child watch the shit that’s coming on. Seriously.

If you can’t do that also, another alternative: Anime. (I’d definitely have included Dragonball Z in the list but it was sort of my gateway to all other anime so I can’t.) They’ve removed the Animax channel from my Television. To people who still have it, please let your kid watch it. Granted, some stuff is inappropriate but there are quite a few good children’s anime too.

And I leave you with that. If you guys have any memorable cartoons you saw in your childhood that wasn’t mentioned in the list, write them down in the comment’s section or post it on our facebook page. If you have any questions or an opinion you think I might be interested in, write to me. If you need recommendations for cartoons or TV shows or if you want me to do a post on a particular topic, I’m always willing to listen.

Until next week. 🙂