Rant of a Humourless Feminist

One of the inevitable consequences of being a feminist, I’ve realized is the fact that you will receive shit from every party on earth about your beliefs. That’s fine with me. And even I know Feminism has its flaws. But honestly, which fucking ideology doesn’t? I am well aware of the arguments that it is radical, dominated by the privileged middle class, raises its voice against problems that might not be too important, and of course can’t take a joke. I even agree with some of it sometimes. But what I am concerned with is the idea it started out with. The idea that enabled me to get an education and do as I please. The idea that I am just as good as any man when it comes to work.

When you live in a country like India, you will see so many instances of gender bias and discrimination, that it impossible to not be a feminist. Case in point: The Delhi rape case that occurred almost a year ago. Not only that, but the comments people made against her and her “lifestyle”. When something like that happens, I don’t find your jokes about rape funny.

I get it. People are more offended by rape than murder. If you use the word rape in your meme or as a synonym for decimate, I will get more angry than if you use death or murder. It’s kind of a good point, but we all pick and choose the battles we fight. And this is the one I have chosen, so I am sorry but I will always go with the issues closest to my heart than the others.

Let me give you an example. This isn’t even an issue of feminism, but I am offended by it because I am a human being with some semblance of a conscience.  All my indian readers will probably be aware of this joke going around in april.

I think the state of humanity can be summarized in that second comment.

Are you seriously equating male-rape to homosexuality?

I mean honestly, doesn’t your ass get jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth?

The worst part is this joke went viral because people thought it was funny. And no, I will not take it lightly. I do not find it funny. I am not even speaking as a feminist but as a human being.

Let me tell you of another incident that occurred just the other day. On a whatsapp group I am a part of, a member posted this picture for the purpose of “humour”.

Do you expect me to find this funny? Do you expect me to not see how wrong this picture is? Pardon me for not being that superficial.

!. You are effectively sexualizing and trivializing a disease thousands of women suffer. So congratulations there, buddy.

2. You are objectifying and demeaning women while doing it.

Really, you deserve a medal.  The response when you try to stand up to something like this is so predictable now it’s almost funny. I have no sense of humour. I can’t take a joke. I am not fun.

The worst part is that women themselves can’t understand the gravity or something. Women themselves find something like this funny. The backlash towards feminism comes from women themselves most of the time. And I just don’t understand this.

WHY? I must ask you, why? Why do you find objectification of your body funny? Why can’t you notice that they are making fun of a disease women exclusively suffer from? You are getting strangled by patriarchal notions. Why can’t you see that?

I don’t even know how to respond when women themselves tell me I can’t take a joke. What am I supposed to say to that?

Feminism is a way for privileged women to get perks when they don’t even work. This is a criticism I have heard way too much. To which I respond, THAT’S HOW OUR FUCKING SOCIETY WORKS. The elite always have the greatest voice. It is a failure of society and the way we function, so don’t be ignorant and blame it on feminism. When the other classes get a voice, the women will get a voice too. Read Fall of Giants by Ken Follet to understand western feminism better. Case in point: The Wimbledon Controversy. I will agree with this. You have to work to get what you want. Women should play the same number of sets to get the same prize money.

Oh, I’m quoting only western examples. Don’t worry. There are plenty of desi problems for you guys too.

But here’s a little fact, do you know a female farmer in India is not acknowledged as a farmer? She is only known as a farmer’s wife. Let that sink in. No matter how much she toils in the fields everyday, no matter how much she does in addition to looking after her children at home, her worth is only defined by her relation to a man. So don’t tell me that women have rights and privileges.

Okay, if you have a problem with the profession I have chosen, how about the Film Industry? It is a well-known fact that women in the Indian Film Industry are not paid as much as men.  Don’t tell me that men in the industry work harder because that is bullshit.  And don’t tell me that upper-middle class and high-class women are privileged and have nothing to complain about.

To be fair, I actually used to be ignorant and I didn’t call myself a feminist because of all its flaws. But then I realized, that there are many good things about the movement I actually agree with. It’s a matter of picking and choosing. Just because I am not a radical, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in gender equality.

I think this video pretty much sums up my feminist stance. Chimamanda has become one of my favourite people even though I haven’t read any of her books.  I am desperate to though. You should check out her other Ted Talk on “The Danger of a Single Story”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg3umXU_qWc

A Thousand Silenced Voices

My deepest apologies for the irregularities with the posts. I was really busy with exams and ah, forget it. Excuses won’t do. It’s a nasty habit of mine to find excuses for shirking responsibilities, so yes, it’s my fault for not making time and posting nearly a day late. I’m sorry.

Today’s post is dark and depressing, which kinda goes against my relief of exams ending. I recently dug up a book I read more than two years ago. It had quite an impact on me back then because it exposed the naive, spoiled me to a world of suffering and misery. It’s “A Thousand Splendid Suns” written by Khalid Hosseini. The book portrays the bleak situation of women in Afghanistan under the rule of the Taliban , and how their spirit is indomitable.

More than a review, its probably more of a commentary and my own personal thoughts on women and I was worried that people would stray away since this topic has been done to death, but I don’t think you can ever speak too much about oppression.

It’s pretty explicit, violent and sad. I remember being horrified when I read it. So its not exactly an easy read.

The book is divided into four parts, the first two are about two women living in Afghanistan belonging to different generations respectively. Circumstances force them together and the third part is about them relying on each other during hard times and the fourth one is about them going their separate ways.

Two women are the main characters in the story. Mariam, who is the first lead and the protagonist in part 1. She was born as an illegitimate child or as they say it, Harami. Her father was a rich man and he built her and her mother a small hut-like place to live in outside the city. As we can see, Mariam is cursed to not only be born as a woman, but as an illegitimate child as well. Her father, Jalil comes to visit every week and she yearns for his affection. Her mother is a bitter woman who spites Jalil. Anyway long story short, events force Mariam to marry a man named Rasheed who is several years older than her.

Things seem good at first, but after she suffers a miscarriage, Rasheed loses interest in her until he finally begins abusing her. The first time is when he spits out the food she cooked and makes her eat stones which crushes her teeth.

The second part is about Laila who has a far more privileged upbringing than Mariam. The story is set in the backdrop of the Soviet Invasion and the rise of the Taliban. Laila’s brothers have gone to fight against the Soviets and her mother’s affections are focused only on them making Laila feel lonely. Her father dotes on her and wants her to study hard. There’s also a budding romance between her and Tariq, her neighbour.

Bad things happen and her home is attacked by a stray bomb. She is taken in as the second wife of Rasheed when they find her and take care of her.

Anyway, I won’t go too much into that. But consider this, both Mariam and Laila are hardly 15 or 16 years old when this happens.

The book made me go research on the rule of the Taliban and the situation of the women there and it haunted me for days. No education, no freedom, no life. Women are at the mercy of men. Even now, things have not changed much. Women had to stay home at all times and when they were out, had to be accompanied by a man. They were not allowed to wear cosmetics or laugh in public. They had to wear a Hijab at all times. There were many more rules that came with this but failure to comply would result in getting beaten or worse.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2304322/Gul-Meena-struck-15-times-axe-BROTHER-honour-killing-attempt-wishes-died-day.html

This was a story I recently read. It didn’t happen in Afghanistan but just imagine, she is seventeen.

All these women are property, toys to be manipulated in any way the men like, and if the toys don’t work properly, they are cast aside or defaced.

Husbands, brothers, fathers, uncles-they aren’t relatives. They’re owners. It’s so frightening. I can’t imagine what these women go through everyday. Raped, beaten, tortured, mutilated and failure to comply allows state sponsored executions.

One thing I loved about the book is the ending. I won’t spoil it but it’s a hopeful one. Despite everything Mariam and Laila go through, they still have hope for the future. They still want to find happiness. Their wonderful relationship, similar to that of a mother and her daughter is very poignant. It’s as if they have both been abducted by Rasheed, and the only people they can depend on is each other.

“Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman”

These are lines said in the first chapter, and  you realize how depressingly true it is throughout the novel. It’s unfathomable to someone like me who has been living the fortunate life that I have.

When I read stories and news reports like this, I realize what the true meaning of being a second class citizen is. Although I’ve always believed it to be unimaginable, I shudder sometimes to think how easy it would have been for the arrow of fate to have turned a completely different direction. How easy it would have been for me to have been born as one of these women, and how all my feminism would have been complete bullshit.

Why only Afghanistan? These things happen closer to home. I hear of girls as young as 12 being sold into prostitution in the name of religion in Karnataka. There must be Khap Panchayats also who dictate rules similar to the Taliban. I could have been born as one of these women who have no future, who live at the mercy or men and who are real second class citizens.

It makes me recognize that I don’t really have much to worry about. It makes me see how biased feminism is (although I do call myself a feminist). It makes me feel ashamed that women as privileged as me have a voice and are able to complain and seek justice when these women aren’t. Suddenly my complains and woes as a woman seem so trite, so childish, so insulting compared to the state these women live in.

Feminism really is an educated, urban woman’s tool. Only a woman who has opportunities is able to make use of it. Feminists don’t make any sort of rage for these women, and it’s unbelievably sad.

When I read this book, I remember feeling so guilty. These women would give anything to have the opportunities I do and lead the life I do, and what’s more they would use those opportunities to the fullest extent. They would put in all their effort if they had that choice. But they don’t. I do. And I behave so frivolously with these choices, not realizing what a blessing it is to be born as I am. I complain about stupid things, and even talk about discrimination. Looking at these women, I seem like such a joke to be talking of discrimination.

What I’m trying to say is, everyone should read this book, men as well. Everyone needs to understand what’s happening in our world, and how people  are being treated. We need to remind ourselves of how fortunate we are and put our petty concerns away, because really, we’re all pretty lucky to even be reading stuff like this on a computer screen.